Community Quotes: “Community” is an American comedy television series that aired from 2009 to 2015. The show was created by Dan Harmon and aired on NBC for its first five seasons before being picked up for its sixth and final season by Yahoo! Screen.
The series is set at Greendale Community College and follows a diverse group of students who form a study group. The group consists of Jeff Winger (played by Joel McHale), a former lawyer trying to earn a legitimate degree; Britta Perry (played by Gillian Jacobs), a passionate but often misguided activist; Abed Nadir (played by Danny Pudi), a pop culture-savvy, socially awkward student; Troy Barnes (played by Donald Glover), a former high school football star; Shirley Bennett (played by Yvette Nicole Brown), a divorced mother; Annie Edison (played by Alison Brie), an overachieving student; and Pierce Hawthorne (played by Chevy Chase), an elderly millionaire.
Community Quotes
Pierce Hawthorne: “I had a couple of island girls over, one of them must have slipped me a mickey.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “I was never one to hold a grudge. My father held grudges, I’ll always hate him for that.”
Troy Barnes: I’m going to eat spaceman paninis with black Hitler and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
Troy Barnes: “Announcement number two: Butt soup!”
Troy Barnes: “I know you hate it when people do this in movies.”
Troy Barnes: “It was awesome, but also.. it wasn’t?”
Jeff Winger: “The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned, by name, in my suicide note.”
Troy Barnes: “Girls are supposed to dance. That’s why god gave them parts that jiggle.”
Troy Barnes: “I give this year a “D”, for delightful!”
Troy Barnes: “There is a time and place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.”
Troy Barnes: “I wanna see if wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener.”
Troy Barnes: “Sometimes I think I lost something really important to me, and then it turns out I already ate it.”
Troy Barnes: “If it was cool to eat god, he’d be a chicken finger.”
Troy Barnes: “Hey girl, how you livin’?”
Troy Barnes: “Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?”
Troy Barnes: “How ’bout I pound you like a boy?! That didn’t come out right.”
Troy Barnes: “I’m doctor doogie Seacrest. I think I’m better than everyone else, because I’m forty.”
Troy Barnes: “If we get bit we could turn into a zombie. The banana said so.”
Troy Barnes: “First time I was punched in the face, I was like “Oh no!”, but then I was like “this is a story..””
Troy Barnes: “Do they find thoughts in our butts?”
Shirley Bennett: “Usually, I walk out on a bad movie, but this sounds collegy.”
Shirley Bennett: “Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You’re like a unicorn.”
Shirley Bennett: “I took this boy all the way to tinkeltown!”
Shirley Bennett: “Kind people are always kind, not just when it’s easy.”
Shirley Bennett: “Alright! You got me, Gubi. I’m a bad mother. But at least I let my kids be kids.”
Shirley Bennett: “I’ll make your ass sense!”
Abed Nadir: “Some flies are too awesome for the wall.”
Annie Edison: “It’s not a pen, it’s a principle!”
Abed Nadir: “Cool cool cool.”
Abed Nadir: “You can do whatevey you want, you just have to know what that is.”
Abed Nadir: “I see your value now.”
Abed Nadir: “We’ll definitely be back next year. If not, it’ll be because an asteroid has destroyed all human civilization. And that’s canon.”
Abed Nadir: “Our first assignment is a documentary. The’re like real movies, but with ugly people.”
Abed Nadir: “9/11 was pretty much the 9/11 of the falafel market.”
Abed Nadir: “When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn’t such a big deal.”
Abed Nadir: “I looked inside Nicolas Cage and I found a secret: People are random and pointless.”
Abed Nadir: “I like football.. but also.. I don’t?” – Abed “Troy” Nadir
Abed Nadir: “I got self-esteem flowing out of my butt.”
Abed Nadir: “Six seasons and a movie!”
Abed Nadir: “I need help reacting to something.”
Abed Nadir: “You made me so happy I peed a little.”
Abed Nadir: “When the world gets bad enough, the good go crazy. But the smart.. they go bad.” – Evil Abed
Abed Nadir: “Jeff wants me to make an attack ad. So why is he a pedophile?”
Abed Nadir: “Movie reference”
Abed Nadir: “Did you know you can make napalm out of common dish soap and cat food?”
Abed Nadir: “I painted a tunnel on the side of the library. When it dries, I’m going for it.”
Abed Nadir: “It’s Wednesday, sometimes I eat in Jeff’s car. Don’t tell him.”
Ian Duncan: “It’s you, or me. And I’m me.”
Ian Duncan: “So.. what is anthropology? Seriously, does anyone know?”
Ian Duncan: “You, in the boobs!”
Ian Duncan: “This is why the English never win any sports, because everyone else cheats!”
Ian Duncan: “Damn you, you outlying piece of datum!”
Ian Duncan: “Sorry I’m late. The sidewalk is more comfortable than it looks.”
Annie Edison: “Oh my god! I’m finally popular enough to be in the yearbook!”
Annie Edison: “Everybody loves pelicans, they bring babies!”
Annie Edison: “I’m the smartest one in the group and all I’ve been used for is bait and distraction.”
Annie Edison: “I was so unpopular in high school, the crossing guards used to lure me into traffic.”
Annie Edison: “Vaugh wants to show me a cloud that looks like a pumpkin!”
Annie Edison: “Freeze mamma-jamma!”
Troy Barnes: “Don’t eat the crab dip, YA YA!”
Troy Barnes: “Never change, or do. I’m not your boss.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “Baste you chubby cheeks in tears of gravy.”
Annie Edison: “They deploy things in football, right? I went for rhyme over clarity.”
Annie Edison: “It’s like prom. There’s a contest and if you win you get to wear a sash and a crown and I’m so jealous Britta I wanna murder you. Aren’t you excited?”
Annie Edison: “Guys? Shirley’s costume is once again unintentionally ambiguous. I don’t know who she’s supposed to be, but she’s definitely not Miss Piggy. Repeat: not Miss Piggy. You’re on your own.”
Annie Edison: “Your last blow-off class taught me to live in the moment which I will always regret and never do again.”
Annie Edison: “Rich just taught me how to make a flared lip and check for breast lumps!”
Annie Edison: “A passing grade? Like a C? Why don’t I just get pregnant at a bus station?”
Annie Edison: “Do you understand what a conspiracy is? When you conspire with everyone you come across, you’re not really conspiring with anyone. You’re just doing random crap.”
Annie Edison: “Whatevs, we’ll take it next semes. Ter. Semester.”
Troy Barnes: “Kettle corn?! That’s a fun time snack!”
Annie Edison: “That was a game. This is paintball.”
Troy Barnes: “I don’t get history. If I wanted to know what happened in Europe a long time ago, I’d watch Game of Thrones.”
Annie Edison: “Webster’s Dictionary defines? That’s the Jim Belushi of speech openings. It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody knows why.”
Annie Edison: “Who the hell are you always texting? Everyone you know is here!”
Abed Nadir: “This is definitely the darkest timeline.” – Evil Abed
Annie Edison: “It’s a pen!”
Annie Edison: “Put it in a letter, Jane Austen!”
Annie Edison: “He was horny, so he dropped him. Man is evil!”
Annie Edison: “Accidents don’t just happen over and over and over again, okay? This isn’t budget daycare.”
Annie Edison: “Umm.. Bitter much?”
Jeff Winger: “I regret nothing” – Jeff Winger
Jeff Winger: “You are all better than you think you are, you are just designed not to believe it when you hear it from yourself.”
Jeff Winger: “Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!”
Jeff Winger: “Doing more than the minimum amount of work is my definition of failing.”
Jeff Winger: “I see your value now.”
Abed Nadir: “Sometimes the hardest prisons to break out of, are the ones without locks.”
Jeff Winger: “Let’s do what people do. Let’s get a house we can’t afford and a dog that makes us angry.”
Jeff Winger: “We’re the only species on earth that observes shark week.”
Jeff Winger: “TV’s the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk, Tv never forgot me at the zoo, TV never abused and insulted me.. unless you count Cop Rock.”
Jeff Winger: “I don’t have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.”
Jeff Winger: “Never listen to Pierce.”
Craig Pelton: “I had no idea alcohol makes people horny. Makes me sleepy.”
Craig Pelton: “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dean!”
Jeff Winger: “Look at me. It’s clear to you that I am awesome, but I can never admit that, because that would make me an ass.”
Jeff Winger: “It’s called chemistry, I have it with everybody!”
Jeff Winger: “What am I not good at?”
Jeff Winger: “If crazy people can’t be at [school name], then where are we supposed to go?”
Jeff Winger: “Haul it, ball it, never call it. Girls are objects.”
Jeff Winger: “It’s a locomotive that runs on us!”
Jeff Winger: “I discovered at a very early age that if I talked long enough, I could make anything right or wrong. So either I’m god, or thruth is relative. Either way: Booyah.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “We’re all kind of crazytown bananapants.”
Jeff Winger: “I’m no sociopath. I always know that what I’m doing is wrong. I’m just a guy who doesn’t like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I’m the sanest person here.”
Annie Edison: “The name’s Annie Edison, but people call me Psycho, ’cause I had a nervous breakdown in high school. My partner’s a christian housewife. How can we help you?”
Jeff Winger: “I’m no politician I’m just a fella, I think that beer should be cold, and boots should be dusty. I think 9-11 was bad. And freedom? well, I think that’s just a little bit better.”
Jeff Winger: “The funny thing about being smart, is that you can get through most of life without ever having to do any work.”
Ben Chang: “Consider yourself Chang’d!”
Ben Chang: “I’m out. I Chang’d my mind.”
Jeff Winger: “Hey, did you hear about the turtle in China? Two packs a day!”
Jeff Winger: “I don’t step u to being a leader. I reluctantly accept it when it’s thrust upon me.”
Jeff Winger: “Don’t talk to me about romance. I had a three way in a hot air balloon.”
Jeff Winger: “I’m prepared for any insane adventure life throws our way and I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to every one of them.”
Jeff Winger: “I settled on a thruth today that is always going to be true: that I’ll do anything for my friends.”
Jeff Winger: “These people don’t want me to say what I’ll do, they want me to do what I’ll say!”
Pierce Hawthorne: “I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom”
Jeff Winger: “Why are we in such a rush to leave the tide pool when the only things waiting for us on shore are the sands of time and the hungry seagulls of slowly growing apart?”
Jeff Winger: “Well, it’s been real, but I have a date to catch. Or should I say.. A catch to date.”
Jeff Winger: “Oh, like you’re famous for your wit.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “That thing some call failure, I call living. Breakfast. And I’m not leaving until I’ve cleaned out the buffet.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “Streets ahead.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “Well I may be a genius, but I’m not a lesbian.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “Sexually harassing? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turnes me on?”
Pierce Hawthorne: “When we seek to destroy others, we often hurt ourselves, because it’s the self that wants to be destroyed.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “I’m confused.. When do we get our ice cream?”
Mix of extras: “I quit doing blow, not being rad.” – Alan Connor
Pierce Hawthorne: “Nice going, tweedledumb and ever tweedlerdumb!”
Pierce Hawthorne: “You never lived anywhere! You’re a weapon designed for sex. You only THINK you lived in New York because I implanted your memories.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “You’re also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man. I don’t know you, but I just don’t trust you. And I don’t think I could grow to like you.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “I’ll shatter your world!”
Pierce Hawthorne: “Make your money, whore.”
Pierce Hawthorne: “Tell me how to get this laid back, or I’ll kill your families!”
Pierce Hawthorne: “I’m watching you two 24/2010.”
Craig Pelton: “Come on I’m dean, and my hands are so clean. At this moment, I am stapeling!”
Craig Pelton: “Sweet Deans.”
Mix of extras: “Leonard likes this post.” – Leonard Rodriguez
Mix of extras: “Rape’s up 8%.” – Officer Cackowski
Craig Pelton: “Oh, Britta’s in this?”
Britta Perry: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cancer. Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!”
Britta Perry: “Pizza, pizza, go in tummy, me so hungee, me so hungee!”
Britta Perry: “Why are you dressed like an ’80s rapist?”
Britta Perry: “A lifetime of dissapointment has given me douche-ray vision.”
Britta Perry: “I know the stakes aren’t really that high, but somehow that just makes it scarier.”
Britta Perry: “If I wanted the government in my uterus, I’d fill it with oil and Hispanic voters.”
Britta Perry: “Blaming a bridge collapse on a school is like blaming owls for why I suck at analogies.”
Britta Perry: “I know what a metaphor is! It’s like a thought with another thought’s hat on.”
Ben Chang: “I masturbated everywhere. EVERYWHERE!”
Ben Chang: “I ate my twin in utero.”
Ben Chang: “Fire can’t go through doors, stupid. It’s not a ghost.”
Ben Chang: “Shut your pompous vortex of overlapping fangs!”
Ben Chang: “I am a Spanish genius! In Español, my nickname is El Tigre Chino! ‘Cause my knowledge will bite her face off!”
Ben Chang: “You have just been proven racist by the racist prover!”
Ben Chang: “Boop! Boop! My bullcrap meter is going crazy!”
Ben Chang: “Let me rest gently on you pecs.”
Ben Chang: “Proceed, Dr Teeth.”
Mix of extras: “What it is, soul brother!” – Leonard Rodriguez
Mix of extras: “Pop Pop!” – Magnitude
Mix of extras: “What a year! Only two pregnancy scares.” – Leonard Rodriguez
Mix of extras: “Only when we stop stopping our lives, can we begin to start starting them.” – Professor Whitman
Mix of extras: “I can’t count the reasons I should stay.. one by one they all just fade away.”
Mix of extras: “If I come over there, there are gonna be two sounds. Me hitting you.. twice.” – Buzz Hickey
Mix of extras: “I can’t believe I spent ten bucks on this! I don’t know any of these people!” – Random Guy
Mix of extras: “A little trick for achieving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision my opponent having aggresive sex with my mother” – Professor Whitman
Mix of extras: “Ain’t no party without drugs!” – Drugs
Mix of extras: “What the hell?” – Jim the Duck
Mix of extras: “Oh you are so on that things have now become very much like Donkey Kong.” – Jurgen
Mix of extras: “I fear a political career could shine a negative light on my drug dealing.” – Star-Burns
Mix of extras: “My name is Alex!” – Star-Burns
Jeff Winger: “To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal, and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.”
Britta Perry: “The perfect Jeff Winger blow-off class: a class that doesn’t exist.”
Mix of extras: “Look, this dude doesn’t show up, we’re definitely going to Applebee’s, right? ‘Cause I’m getting in a fight no matter what today.” – Chuck Norris / – No-sleeves / – Mike